“Immediately Zechariah’s mouth was opened and his tongue released, and he spoke, blessing God.” Luke 1:64 NET
Have you created your own bondage? Do you feel silent and small, waiting on God to release His plan for your life? Are you busy, tired and unfeeling? Could it be that your indirect deafness could be directly attributable to the busyness that surrounds you? If you are asking yourself these questions, you are not alone my friends.
I’ve spent the last year or so praying and asking God about my writing. But how could I write when I am too busy to breathe? It is silly that the one big thing that God placed in our heart and spoke to us about is the one thing that we fight Him on. Does this sound familiar?
For two years now, I have been unable to find meditations that fill me. I have searched the ends of the earth to find something that will pierce my soul. That still small voice beside me, my guardian angel whispering in my ear, “write your own” was just too petrifying. I thought it was the voice of pride so I ignored it, and I placed my guardian angel at a distance with the words no, I am not good enough, I don’t have time, I lack inspiration. But the voice kept coming- and I drowned it in busyness- activities that I just had no business being a part of. Anything to drown out that voice. Fear took over.
Why would I quash my own dream? Why couldn’t I listen? At first I thought it was a lack of faith, but I know now that it isn’t true. It is fear. In the same way Zechariah prayed for many years for his dream to have a son is the same way I prayed for my writing. But when the time came for God to bless him with his dream, he doubted, questioned. Many say this was a lack of faith on his part and so God shut his mouth as punishment. This is not so. It was fear. And God shut him up so that he would have time in the silence. He had nothing to say- he could only watch the pregnancy grow. And when we have nothing to say, God has everything to say.
Our lack of words provide Him a space to grow our dreams
And so like Zechariah, I continued to pray despite hearing him in the distance. I began my novena to Mary Undoer of Knots this Christmas. Day 1 I prayed for her to undo my writing knot but the prayer just didn’t feel right. So I stopped and prayed for something else. All the while, the dream still swelling in my heart.
This all to lead up to this very day. Months of quitting activities and ministries to clear the way for God’s dream. Sorta like a spiritual lawnmower, Prepare the way of the Lord!
Clear away the things that don’t matter, the ones where seasons are over.
Now is the acceptable day of the Lord.
And after all that clearing came Advent. And with Advent came silence. And with silence came prayer and heartache. And things were going well, until they were not.
My peace was broken and I floundered. Where was I? It is four days until Christmas and I am missing my peace. Where are you God? I gave these things up for you. I did what you asked, and I am here alone- unable to talk or move.
And then I opened my email last night. A glaring invitation to write here. I was petrified… of the things I had been praying for. Of the writing child to be born.
So I tossed and turned all night, Lord is that you? It didn’t come in a large spectacular way, the way that I would have hoped or dreamed. This couldn’t be it. Or could it?
But it WAS. It was the way He came into the world. Small, unnoticed with an intimate few. Lying in a manger. But the hungry would find Him there…
And this morning it clicked. I had to accept the invitation. This was it. This was my yes to God. Small, intimate unnoticed. But the hungry will find Him here…
And my tongue was released from its prison cell. And my soul lept for joy. And I finally said “Yes” to God’s plan and not mine.