Day 29- The Mile On Hold

First order of business when I came back to work, a professionally done head shot. A way to capture the moment.

When all the nations of the earth see you bearing the name of the Lord, they will stand in awe of you. Dt. 28:10

You cannot go anywhere without God’s stamp of approval. Nothing will be successful without it. But how do you know that you have that stamp?

When something comes to you without want or care. A movement that’s not your own. You push and the universe pushes back. It creates a divine rhythm and cadence that is undeniable.

I have spent the better part of my journey with Christ both fascinated and obsessed over His will for me. In bursts of energy I seek Him, down to every detail, wanting to make sure that all is from Him. Those perfect moments, the ones that align are signs that this is where I am supposed to be. But what happens in the moments when you ask and there is nothing? 

Several years ago, I was determined to live out my dream as a stay -at -home -mom. I had created a utopia about it in my head without even realizing. It was that unending voice  saying, if you don’t try you’ll never know! Take the leap! The voice was not God’s, it was mine. Restless, I prayed a 54 day novena, quit my job, and embarked on a new journey I thought was set for me.

It wasn’t long before I felt the boat rocking. The fit was not right. I was ecstatic to be able to sit with my kids and help them with their homework and make fun snacks. I was patient and kind and loving. But the kids did not notice the change. They were not overjoyed like I thought that they would be. So I continued to pour out my energy with them and my daily domestic chores. I was unfulfilled but not undaunted.

In the meantime, God had preserved my job for me. In a Holy Spirit surge, I asked before I left to be kept on as will- call, where I would be able to make my own schedule and my own hours. I lived the dichotomy. Taking cars and cash away from drug dealers during the day and making half decent snacks for my kids in the afternoon. Day by day I would seek God. I didn’t understand why I was so unhappy.

King David also wanted to do great things for God. He had the idea to build a house for the Lord to dwell in. It was a noble and worthy thing to do. Seemed like the right fit. A Jewish king building an altar for His eternal master.

But it wasn’t God’s will. In fact, God says to the prophet Nathan, his confidant, “did I ever utter a word to any one of the judges whom I charged to tend my people Israel, to ask: Why have you not built me a house of cedar? 2 Samuel 7:7.

And the same was with me. The idea was heart filled. A thank you to God for giving me these amazing children. But the idea was not God’s, was not initiated by Him or even moved by Him. And so my adventure was not successful.

About fifteen months after my jump from the plank, I felt a stirring by the Holy Spirit. It was a rush, immediate. It was time to come back full time.

I asked my friend at work what the status of my job was. She pulled the job sheet. Her mouth dropped.

I have never seen this before, she said breathless.

Seen what?

Next to your position.  It says On Hold.

We looked at each other in silence.

I’m telling the boss I’m coming back.

God already knew. He let me test the universe, and make mistakes and fall into the trap that many of us do- thinking we know better. But my loving God, my Father knew better. And so he placed the job on hold for me- it didn’t belong to anyone else. It was mine.

And so as we ponder these things, the will of God, forward movement and where we are, let us pray to the God of answers that we become docile to His promptings and do not leap before His call.

Heavenly Father,

Help me not to make a movement on my own, but instead respond to your promptings. This requires my attentiveness and clear listening. Tell me what to do and I will do it, I stand ready to do your will. Hold my feet if I feel like jumping and send people to stop me if it’s not your will. I want to be in the center of your calling over my life.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

2 thoughts on “Day 29- The Mile On Hold

  1. Shlomi Presser

    Sometimes we have to let our children make their own mistakes so they can learn. That is clearly what God did here. And just like most parents, He was still there to make sure the mistakes didn’t create permanent problems in His child’s life. Great post babe!

    Liked by 1 person

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