Anyone who wants to serve me must follow me, because my servants must be where I am. John 12:26(a)
Forward. Movement. Perseverance. God is movement. Sometimes that movement comes and carries us internally. We learn to be more patient, forgiving or honest. But sometimes God’s movement is more pervasive, difficult. He calls us to be or go somewhere else, somewhere new, entirely out of our comfort zone.
My movement to the Catholic Church came over a period of time. It came in the form of restlessness.
I was perfectly happy in my non-denominational church. Involved with ministry and invested in my children’s biblical learning, I enjoyed Sundays and my pastors. Yet, after my initial conversion in 2013, I spent the next two years still feeling like I was wandering. I still did not feel settled. I was still a Jew in a gentile church.
I tried to ignore the feeling but it never went away, in fact it only grew worse. So rather than ignore the feeling, I leaned into it. I realized quickly that it was a movement from God. And that movement, that restlessness had something to say. The hound of heaven had returned.
Pray in a chapel
I was initially confused by the Holy Spirit’s prompting to have me pray in a chapel. But the call was great and loud, like an unrelentless craving.
Cravings are hungers that won’t go away until fed by an exact food
My husband had been to our chapel and so when I told him what God had said to me, he told me about the chapel at our church. I immediately went to find it. But upon my great find, I found emptiness. It was me, the pews, a wandering soul on the ground with headphones ablaze, and quiet.
I felt emptier than before
And this is what started my great journey into Catholicism. I spent a year searching for a chapel. I would call churches daily to see if they were open for prayer.
Come by Saturday, I would hear, or Sunday after service. There were limited times or no times at all. My question left many pastors tongue tied.
Why do you not have a quiet place to pray?
Why is your chapel not open?
And so it goes that God led me to a a Catholic church about a half a mile from my job. I went with a friend from work, a devout Catholic, who was so awestruck when I told him I wanted to go, he brought me every holy card and Catholic prayer book he owned.
And as we went up the steps to the chapel, you can imagine my surprise when he said, the chapel is open! It was the middle of the week, the middle of the day, that I went in. There was no lock on the door. There was no permission to ask.
And when I put my hands on that heavy door, I knew life was about to change. I wasn’t sure how, but the swelling in my heart and soul told me so.
What I didn’t know at the time was that I would be walking into the real presence of Christ.
Are you restless? Do you feel like you are supposed to be somewhere else? Have you placed that feeling in the back of your mind or completely ignored it? Well, don’t. Listen to what God is telling you. Listen to what’s moving around in your heart. We don’t stay in places and in positions forever. Sit and reevaluate if you should be where you are. And ask this question- Is God moving and I am not?
How do we know where you are? Help me Lord to hear your voice and recognize your calling. Help me to be still and listen to the restlessness I am feeling. Tell me why I am feeling this way. I want to be wherever you are. I want to do your will. Help me to abandon myself to your great plan, so that I may serve you and live the abundant life that you have promised me.
In Jesus name,